Weigh-In #4

WEIGH-IN:

Start weight:                     271.4 lb

Weight change:                 Lost 12.4 lbs

Current weight:                 259 lbs

BMI Status:                         Obese

The "week’s" change:

-1 lbs

Goal weight:                   145.0 lb

% Goal Complete:          10.2%

% Time Complete:       7.9%

Days left:                         336

Yep, I lost even less. I did yoga 3 times this week and was active indoors, and I lost less. I believe its because yesterday I broke down and had Taco Bell for lunch yesterday. last week I started stepping on the scale every day. So I know yesterday I was 257.2, today I'm 259. I was mad and sad and this makes me not want fast food anymore. That is the positive I'm taking away from this. 

The ice and snow made it easy to get away with not jogging and not working out as hard. But this week I'm jogging in the hall if I need to. I will keep the yoga, but not as a real workout. Yoga is a small workout but I need to bust my butt a little more than this. 

Next week is the first week of the new month, so I will be doing a Feb. evaluation. I want to feel like I want to look back and feel good, I fear I will not. Here is to Hope. 

I'm having a hard time

I'm doing well, I've lost 10 lbs really fast. but the new part of this is over, and now I am feeling down, and fat. I started doing videos about the food, just because there were not any out there when I was looking into joining Nutrisystem. But that means I do a video for each new food, and that means I have done 4 videos a day for 4 days. they are short, but I have to watch them before I post them. That means I have seen myself as I am, not as I am in my head. And I always though I looked ok, not a big round fat lady. But now I watch myself take a bite or 2 of each food, I see me eating. I bob my head to the tune of me eating if I like the food! How freaky is that?! I talk about food like its art, feeling out the textures and flavors. If I were not fat, I think I could eat for a living. How Bass Ackwards is that? 

I didn't know I was so big, I was 272 when this started. But I didn't see it. the mirror only shows a little of me, and I block out what I don't like. Now I see it, and I want to change it. But Its affecting me. I don't see why my husband would want to touch me, let alone think I'm sexy. I am grumpy, and moody, and today I just want to cry. I've started waking up at night and not being able to go back to sleep because before in my dreams I was thin. I dreamed myself how I want to look, now I dream me as fat, and alone. That may sound stupid to some people, but I am seeing the truth for the first time, and it keeps me up at night. 

Today is day 1 of my working out an hour everyday. I'm hoping it will help me work out how much I seem to hate fat me. Because its unfair to the people around me that are being so loving and kind for me to be moody and grumpy because I'm fat. 

How do I get past this? Or does it go away with the weight?

End of Day 1

So today was a mixed bag. All in all the Nutrisystem food was good. The oatmeal was the first meal I've ever had that didn't leave me in a blood sugar crash 2 hours later. It tasted good, and I didn't feel hungry. The energizing shake that is the AM snack everyday emphasizes the zing because it has a zingy taste. It was not my favorite but I think I could get used to it. The lunch bar tasted really good, no funny aftertaste or anything. the craving crusher shake that is PM snack for every day was really good, and it did the job. Too bad it was short lived, 2 hours later all I could think about was how much I wanted dinner. The dinner lasagna was amazingly good. It looked like it was going to be gross, but I could totally get used to eating that on a regular basis. And it's been less than 10 minutes since I finished dinner, at first I wanted more. But now that I've had time to sit and drink more water and let my stomach realize that I've given it real food I feel great. I am a little afraid of that by 10 p.m. I'm going to be starving again. I took pictures of all of the food, & I'm reaching out to the local community as well as the online community for people losing large amounts of weight. Right now all I can think about is how much I want to sleep, and I still need to make my husband his dinner of salmon, rice, and corn. All things that I cannot have this week. 

I know that this is still the first day and the excitement will wear off at some point. Some of it were off today as cravings kicked in and hunger strike hard. I just had to keep telling myself that I want to be thinner more than I want to eat that food. That was basically my mantra today.

Anyhow I will keep posting. I'll keep it honest , and I know cheating is only cheating myself. I'll check in again tomorrow.

food pics