Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Week 12 Weigh-in


Start weight:                     265.0 lb
Weight change:                 Lost 22.2 lbs
Current weight:                 242.8 lbs
BMI Status:                      Obese

The week’s change:
-1.8 lbs

Goal weight:                   145.0 lb
% Goal Complete:          18.5%
% Time Complete:          9.7%
Days left:                         728

I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve been fighting with seasonal depression, add that to not knowing anyone in town, hiding from the rodeo that worked it's way into a nightmare last night, and toss in that time of the month (sorry to the men) and you have someone that feels very down. I have lost 1.8 lbs even with it being “shark week” (as I call it), so I should be happy. I’m almost out of the 240’s so that should be helping. I’ve lost 22+ lbs, and yes my clothes do fit better. But I still feel fat. When I take a bath I add bubbles to hide my fat. Know there is 20+ lbs less, but there is still 90+ lbs extra that I, and others, see.

When I was at PAX I stood in line for myself and others, kinda like a “gofer”, for food and coffee and other things. and when I would walk away with the stuff for 3 people I would get looks. That look that screams “you pig, going to go fatten up some more?” and they did nothing to hide it. Why should they? I leave the coffee shop with my coffee, and Shaun’s coffee (the same thing), and come back for a 3rd for a friend (still the same). Some of the same people were there and one looked at me and said “jesus…” just that.

The thing is at the time I didn’t really care too much. But now that my mood is dark all the little things are trying to suffocate me. Yes Shaun is a loving husband but there is not a lot he can do. as I said, I have seasonal depression, and I live in Oregon. But yesterday I made my mind up. I may have seasonal depression, but seasonal depression does not have to have me. I don’t have to let it take over. I have a very dark and sad past that makes for the dreams that make you not want to sleep. But I dealt with all that. I don’t need to deal with it every fall. So I need to focus, change my thoughts, and keep my brain busy.

Shaun has been getting on to me for not writhing more, and I stopped logging food, and walking. I’m eating better, but that’s it. We had a talk, by that I mean he told me what was what and I said nothing because he is totally right and I needed to hear it. So I need to get back into my lists, logs, and walk daily. So the next week will be full of my thoughts, feeling, and random stuff. Next week’s weigh-in will have my miles for the week and my total. I said I was going to walk it off, and Shaun got me the tools to do it. I can’t just stop walking. So I’m moving that up in my day on my list of things to do. Coffee and a bite to eat, then walk. Everything else can be done after that. And no youtube walks, or tv type stuff for the first week. Music only! I love to walk to music, so I’ll walk to music.  

So I’ll stop here. There will be more to come this week. So I’ll talk at you latter. 

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