So a few things happened.

First off I got my own scale so my weigh-in will be more accurate. After the list of ten I found I started thinking and getting honest with myself. 2 weeks ago I started this without weighing myself, I just put 260 because it was about what I weighed before we left Salem. I didn't take into account that the 2 weeks at the resort living off fast food and microwave meals. So last Monday when I stepped on the scale my heart dropped when it said 263, but the owner said to take off 5lbs of that because it’s not my normal scale. So I did just that, and that meant I a loss of 2 lbs. now I still think that is true, but after talking to Shaun and thinking, I don’t think the scale was wrong. I think I was wrong. So I made changes to some things and I now have a new start weight and total to lose.

Start weight: 265

Goal weight: 145

Total to lose: 120

I know it’s not a big change but I need to be honest with myself. And the truth is I’m a big girl right now. I’m putting the big numbers out there for everyone to see, and that feels, not good. We are told things all our lives about how women should hide their weight, lie about it on your ID, get clothes that are small so I can say I’m smaller than I really am. Well if I’m going to really do this than I can’t lie, I need to be 100% honest. I may put on size 18-20 jeans, but they hurt like hell by the end of the day. Soon they will fit, but for now the size 22-24 pajama shorts my mom got me are what I have on if I’m not going outside. That’s sick, sad, but true. And that’s what I want to change.

Also I have to find a way to make my vitamin work without making me sick. So I’ll try taking it latter in the morning, after I eat and have digested a bit. I will also not be having smoothies much anymore, even if they are home made with no sugar added. Fruit has a lot of sugar, and it sets me up for blood sugar problems latter in the day. I will still have fruit, but I don’t need or really care for smoothies.

I also think I need to be getting more sleep than I have been. It’s Friday and again I feel sick. Not vomit or head pounding sick, runny nose and sore body sick. I need more that 6 hours of sleep a night, or I need to nap once a day. Napping is hard, not because I can’t find time, but because it’s hard to wake all the way back up. I don’t like the dazed unfocused feeling. That’s why I don’t like drugs or alcohol. I like thinking, I like focusing when I want to. Maybe coffee with help, but that’s just more sugar. I don’t know. It’s not like I can just go to sleep earlier. I’m not saying that to be a smart ass, I can lay down but I will not fall asleep. I am an insomniac, and I don’t like to take sleeping pills or anything like that because I don’t think it’s safe. That’s just part of who I am.

This weekend (and every weekend) I will evaluate the week before, my goals, my progress, and my diet. I will make a draft on or by Friday, look over it with Shaun, and post changes on Monday when I do my weigh-in.for me there are 6 days in the week, and Sunday. So my week long goals end at Saturday at 11:59pm. And new ones start Monday 12:00am. Sunday is my free day, my day of rest, my day to spend with my husband doing whatever we like. I will still log food, and walking, it I walk, but I don’t have to. We can spend the day in bed if we like. This will also be a sort of recovery day latter on when things pick up and get hard. And they will get heard, just not right away.